My secret super-human motherly powers
Today my beautiful teenage daughter asked me a question…
Maybe I have really bad PMT, because normally I would have just shot back the answer, but for some reason, today, I just felt like screaming:
Do I look like a f#$%ing encyclopedia?
Do I have “funky” or “Wagnall” tattooed across my forehead?? …. I think not!
Ah the joys of being someone’s mother.
At first when they were little, it was the ‘cute’ simple stuff they asked for.
Tiny little requests and expectations:
- “Mummy, turn off the wind”
- “Mummy, the sun is in my eyes turn it dowwwwwn”
- “Mummy, I need a chef’s costume for school today” (an excellent announcement to make at 8.45am)
- “Mummy, this ice is too cold!”
- “Mummy, I can’t sleeeeeeeeeeeep!”
ah yes, surely I am superhuman...
That my beloved offspring believe me to have magical super powers; I suppose it was kind of flattering. Especially when you consider that that these gorgeous creatures did not come with a manual and I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING!!!
Fast forward, 18 loooong years of motherly service and devotion later…
It’s nice to know they think I’ve still got it.
Nowadays, the sun is not a problem as they are rarely out of bed early enough to see it. My costume input is laughed at, but I am expected to be some kind of interactive gadget which drives them all over town and has a whole lotta RAMS of memory available to store and recall at a nano seconds notice. Apple should patent me; I’d be a top seller.
- “Mum, what time are yoga classes on a Wednesday?” (Yes darling, I am Einstein and I memorize all of your sporting timetables just for kicks dear)
- “Mum, what is the PUK code for my phone?”(How the P-U-K am I supposed to know???)
- “Mum, quick I need my tax file number, bank account number, birth certificate, group certificate from 2 years ago.”(Serenity now serenity now serenity now...)
- “Mum, where is my red lipstick?” (All over my white towels dear- cheers!)
- “Mum, where is that ‘thing’ that I left on the floor, that everyone tripped over for days until you picked it up and now I need it…. NOW!”
aaaaargh
It’s no wonder that my head hurts and that there’s no space left in there for remembering the simple things like whether or not my zipper is up!
When they leave home (they do eventually leave don’t they???), these divine creatures have left me a lasting legacy, a beautiful reminder.
I call it: “Chapter 11”
Ellen says she made the bigger line on the left
Yep, every day for the rest of my life, when I look at my face in the mirror, I will be reminded of the years of mental and physical challenges that earned me these stripes.
Then, I will smile and remember the fun bits too.
I will be proud that we all made it through relatively intact.
That I managed to trick my daughters into believing I possessed magical powers. When truth is, I didn’t even have a manual
Shhhhhhhhhh
What magical powers did your children assume that you have dear chickies??
welcome to my pity-party.... V.I.P guest... ME!!!!What becomes of the broken hearted?
- chickie pity party alert….
Ok chickies, I have a confession to make…
I have been holding a bit of a ‘pity party’ at my house this summer… yep, guest of honor… ME!
You see, ‘Little Miss Sunshine’ here, decided that just because one man made a highly intelligent decision that he didn’t want to live in my sparkly, interesting universe anymore,
that obviously:
my life was over
i was done… dusted … doomed
i was clearly flawed, unlovable, worthless
too sad to possibly function
living in a pit of self despair, with a constant crushing pain in my heart and a continual gnawing sick churning in my stomach…
Miserable, inconsolable, lost, broken….
Who?
Me?
Drama queen????
Never!!!
now, even though this self indulgent behavior, this morose self flagellation went against every rational, sensible, logical bone in my body and flew in the face of all that I thought I was and everything that I aspire to stand for…
I still let it keep on eating me up inside…
i took my christmas , my new year’s eve, my summer (which are also my only child free holidays for the entire year) even my annual Australia day fun, and I flushed them ALL down the toilet….
one minute
i was a sparkly little social butterfly, full of enthusiasm, hope, joy and light…. looking for laughs and love and adventure
(aside from one week of every month where I am more of an irrational, homicidal maniac, but isn’t that normal???)
the next….
(well to be fair, it actually took a couple of months of being subjected to various forms of man-torture to get myself into this woeful state…)
i found myself
curled up under the doona, extremely sooky and difficult to be coaxed out of bed
spending long days of being alone in the house, punishing myself.
cut off from the outside world with no newspapers, television, music, … food (well there was toast and cheese)…
personal hygiene flew out the window with a peg on its nose… it was SO not attractive
I looked scarily like the sad chick out of the movie ‘bridesmaids’ (though regretably there was no action from either a man with a red ferarri, or a sweet policeman dammit)
it was not pretty folks!
I really knew I was in trouble last week when
I answered the front door mid morning with eyes so swollen from crying that I could barely focus on the poor, unfortunate delivery man standing before me….
as I was signing his book I realized that I had my nightie on inside out and back to front
things were looking very tragic
BUT (never fear ladies…)
one day came my ‘light globe moment’….
Surprisingly, it didn’t come whilst my sister was administering some cold hard truths regarding (what she perceived to be) how much I had given in said relationship, as compared to what I was getting back.
It wasn’t while my most protective friend was begging for said man’s address so that she could pay a visit with a baseball bat to defend my honor. (yes that would have helped…)
T’was not because another dear friend was sending me hourly “community service” text messages for a whole week:
“tool, tool, the man is a tool… you deserve so much better”
(though to be honest, that one did make me smile just a little bit on the inside…)
it wasn’t even my devoted male friend’s brutal tough-love- advice-type-intervention (the details of which are best not repeated here… )
no...
it turned out to be a simple question that my sweetest friend asked me very quietly and calmly (while I was sitting on the couch struggling to hold in my raw misery)on January 27th….
“why are you doing this to yourself???”… she asked
DA DA
LIGHT BULB MOMENT!!!!
And THAT my chickie friends, was when I had a most excellent conversation with my broken self….
I said…
“listen here chickie...”
Was I ‘me’ in this relationship? … yes, yes I was
Was I honest at all times? … yes, yes, I was (maybe even a little too honest)
Did I give everything that I had to give? …. Yep, can’t see anything left in the bag to pull out.
Was I gutsy enough to ask for what I wanted/needed? ... yes I was, even though it was way out of my comfort zone to do so.
Did I put my heart on the line? .... yep, cut it out with a blunt knife and ‘plated it up’ like a masterchef contestant… even sprinkled it with my dignity
Righty-ho then…
So,
Do I have any control over whether or not someone chooses to love me or value me in their life? .... nope
Do I have any control over whether or not they think my quirky, passionate, emotional ways are worth taking a risk on in the long run? … NO I DO NOT
Am I everybody’s cup of tea? .... notsomuch
Am I perfect? ... fuck no!!!
Do I have baggage? .... shit yeah, who doesn’t?
Am I a work in progress? …. yes, yes, YES i am…
Will I stuff up in the future?... my oath I will (and it will not always be bad, sometimes it will be very entertaining…)
Will I continue to do my best to look at my stuff ups, learn from them and try and find better ways to deal with life’s twists and turns??? … Yep, that’s the plan Stan, it’s working for me so far!
Will there be someone out there who will be THRILLED to take that journey with me?
BIG, FAT YES!!!!!
(although obviously my chances will increase if I get out of this funk, have a shower and brush my teeth….)
so my dear chickies, you will all be relieved to know that this chickie is on the mend…
the pity party is O-V-E-R
someone called the cops, and its been closed down!
I’ve had:
a shower- check
washed hair (actually, I went and had a blow wave… )
shaved legs –check
brushed teeth – very important
put all of the empty wine bottles out in the recycle bin – (environmentally conscious too… what a catch!)
put the dvd’s back in the cupboard (bye bye ‘notebook’, ‘bridget jones’ and ‘love actually’)
I have vacated the bed, and am now off to spend some quality time with my patient, long suffering, friends …. We will be laughing, smiling and I will be listening to THEIR CRAP for a change.
Please someone tell me that there’s still a little bit of summer left for me to enjoy???
Hey chickies,
I bet you CAN’T WAIT to hear what this chick has to say about valentines day….
Its ok, there’s no p.m.t in sight and I’ve hardly had a drink for days, so how wrong can it go I asks ya???
Now don’t get me wrong,
I think that men are great, and some of them even do an excellent job of making their significant other feel totally appreciated and adored on valentines day
But…
When feb 14th rocks around this year, I’m going to take some time to show my chickie friends some loving…
You know the kind of friends that I’m talking about…
What these chicks do for us in the romance department is vital to our mental health!
They see men come and go, and hold your hand through it all
They sit through the angsty beginnings,
will I ???
won’t I ???
They ride the nauseating emotional rollercoaster, from the loved up, honeymoon phase to your romantic trials and tribulations
Always there to cheer you on,
Patiently sitting and listening to your manly complaints (the petty injustices, the crimes against humanity … toilet seat up, wet towels on the floor, yelling at inanimate objects eg. The cricket, footy, the ikea table that wont go together properly… I think we’re on the same page here are we not?)
These long suffering chickies give you bucketloads of sympathy and wise, loving (often objective) advice
THEN
When it all goes pear shaped, when you’re a slobbering heap on the floor, they pick you up, dust you off,
tell you you’re not an ugly crier (you are!)
Pass the
Tissues
Wine
icecream
take your phone away and delete his number so you can’t make a dick of yourself,
explain (in great detail…) how you are
WAY
too good for him, that he never deserved you anyway
… the man is clearly A FOOL!!!
Like a bird with a broken wing, they rescue you from the depths of despair, soothe your bleeding wounds, keep an eye on you, nurture you back to health and mental stability… set you free to fly once more, off into the pretty sunset…
Then Say NOTHING when you ignore all of their advice and GET BACK WITH THE LOSER!!!!
In my humble opinion, these are the women who deserve the flowers and chocolates and the massages on valentines day….
Did they ever tell you looked fat or that you really should do something about that cellulite???
I think not!!!!
Did your chick friends expect you to be designated driver, to pretend you enjoy watching footy all winter?
Nope!
They did all of this for you selflessly, because they love you unconditionally, because they know that you would do the same for them in a heartbeat
(They didn’t even do it to get laid )
This my chickie friends, is true love …..
Are you hearing me???
p.s. As part of the smile chickie month of celebration, each smile chickie book or necklace sold will come with a free valentines notebook… the perfect way to tell the chick who cheers you on and catches you when you fall that she is precious to you this valentines day.
(offer valid on all orders made prior to feb 14th… I will post a pic of the notebook as soon as I get it back from the photographer.. yes I know I’m highly organized… trust me, its really, really cute!)
Hey chickies,
January 2012 is very special…
As it marks a WHOLE year since
this little chickie took a deep breath, squeezed into her big girl’s pants and began the smile chickie journey….
on a mission to…
Create an online community all about women nurturing, supporting and appreciating each other. A group of like-minded chicks choosing to live kind and happy lives where ever possible
Smile chickie has grown into something special that brings so much sunshine into my world
It reminds me every day what is important, and more importantly, that I am not alone… That there are so many other chicks out there that just want to get on with living the best lives they can.
The biggest, most ginormous
thankyou!!! xxx
to those of you who have been with us since the beginning
and to those that have joined us over time
for the smiley place that we have all built together…
To mark the milestone, I do hereby declare that the next 4 weeks, shall be a celebration of all things chickie.
With lots of laughs, and extra appreciation for each other, and for the positive things in our lives.
Let’s spread the chickie word far and wide…
And inspire and encourage each other to take this opportunity to let the special chicks in our lives know that they are:
loved
appreciated
valued….
Such simple things, that everyone has a basic right to feel and know.
The month will be culminating in a little (way overdue…. due to my advanced procrastinating skills!) book launch. To say thankyou and to celebrate the lovely chicks who were so kind as to donate their beautiful smiley faces to adorn the pages of the smile chickie book.
So chickies, let the fun begin….
If you haven’t already taken the chickie pledge, make sure that you head over to www.smilechickie.com
Because all certified chickies will be in with a chance to win launch tickets, a special chickie hamper and some extra little giveaways over the next four weeks.
